Skip to main content

Why the Moon is Fake, and What NASA Doesn’t Want You to Know

Okay so, full disclosure, I didn’t go to “journalism school” or whatever. But like, I’ve watched a TON of documentaries on YouTube and I once interviewed my neighbor’s cousin who works at an airport, so I feel like I know what I’m doing.

So, let’s get into it!

The other night I was outside looking up at the sky, because that’s what I do when I can’t sleep (or when I eat too many sour gummy worms), and I saw the moon. But something seemed… off. It looked too perfect. Too… round. Like a lamp or maybe a balloon. And that’s when I realized: the moon might not be real, you know?

I did some deep research (i.e. Googled “Is the moon fake?”) and you would be SHOCKED at what I found. Did you know that NASA stands for Not A Single Answer? Because every time you ask them a question, they give you “science” instead of the real truth.

Also, fun fact: I read somewhere that the moon emits light. But if the sun is supposed to be the light source, then how come the moon is shiny AT NIGHT? Checkmate, scientists.

Some theories I came across say the moon was actually invented by the government in 1969 to distract people from taxes. I think this holds some water, because nobody can explain why the moon has craters but also looks smooth in photos. It’s like: are you rocky, or are you soft? Pick a side, moon.  And, by the way, no one likes taxes either, so totally plausable.

Let me tell you something else: I tried to call NASA to ask for a statement, but their number just gave me an answering machine that said something about “visitor tours” being closed, which is basically an admission of guilt if you think about it.

In conclusion, the moon is suspicious, probably fake, and I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s a giant camera watching all of us. Stay safe out there, and remember to question everything. Even cheese.

Until next time!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Lemonade Buffet That Changed My Life: I came for the fireworks, but I stayed for the tube ice and cherry syrup

This 4th of July, amid the usual chaos of overcooked hot dogs, screaming children, and one guy lighting bottle rockets with a cigarette, something beautiful happened. Something simple. Something… citrusy. A Lemonade Buffet! Yes, a buffet. Of lemonade. And it wasn’t one of those Pinterest-y “lemonade bar” setups where everything is served in mason jars wrapped in twine while an unpaid intern hand-letters chalkboard signs in cursive. No. This was way better. This was practical. This was brilliant. This was America, in beverage form. The Setup: Lemonade, But Make It A "Custom" At first glance, it was just a folding table. Plastic, sturdy, unremarkable. But upon closer inspection? A beverage oasis: Three massive coolers : Classic lemonade, pink lemonade, and sparkling lemonade that fizzed just enough to remind you that freedom sparkles. A tray of ice options : Ice options , you guys! Regular cubes. Crushed ice. Nugget ice. TUBE ICE. (The Beyoncé of frozen water. ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Minimalism sounded great until my cats claimed the donation box as a second home

So, I live in a super-small space with three cats, one mismatched coffee table set, and a growing suspicion that I am no longer in charge here.  Like any adult whose Pinterest boards are probably better organized than my actual life, I decided to "declutter." I imagined a sleek, tranquil space with clean lines, neutral tones, and no shame. I now sit atop a pile of half-sorted Goodwill bags, sipping coffee from a novelty mug that says “I Paused My Show for This.” Let’s discuss: Step 1: Mentally Prepare to Let Go of the Clutter — and Your Dignity Decluttering, in theory, is supposed to bring peace. In practice? It's a passive-aggressive negotiation with your past self. “Do I need six half-burned candles?” “What if I suddenly become the kind of person who hosts dinner parties and needs twelve fine water glasses?” “This broken garlic press has been with me since college. That means something, right?” At one point, I asked my cat BoBean if she thought I should ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Whatever Happened to Scratch-and-Sniff Stickers? The Olfactory Conspiracy No One Is Talking About

There was a time in this great land when children would scratch a small circle on a sheet of paper and be rewarded with the sweet scent of synthetic strawberries or unsettlingly accurate pizza. That time, dear reader, was the 1980s.  After that… they vanished. No press release. No funeral. Just… gone! One day we were proudly sniffing grape-scented stars for turning in our homework. The next, we were left with glitter stickers that did nothing but reflect shame. Let’s Examine the Evidence: They were everywhere! Teachers handed them out like controlled substances. Book fairs sold entire sticker books dedicated to them. I personally sniffed a watermelon-scented sticker so many times I’m fairly certain I rewired certain parts of my brain. Then they disappeared... Slowly, quietly, like an ex who still owes you money. One year they were in every pencil box; the next year? Just… stickers. Regular, boring, emotionless stickers. Like hugs from your aunt’s new boyfriend with ...
Post a Comment
Read more