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How One Feral Feline Turned His Life Around — And Why He Now Offers Financial Advice

Four years ago, he was living under a bush behind a Waffle House, dodging raccoons and licking discarded hot dog wrappers for sustenance. Today? He lounges on a patio chair like a retired tech billionaire, staring into the distance like he’s about to drop a TED Talk titled “How I Outsmarted the System — and My Humans”.

Meet Maurice. Former alley cat. Current real estate tycoon of cardboard boxes, investor in emotional manipulation, and lifestyle influencer to other neighborhood pets who still simply eat kibble like peasants.

He now enjoys:

  • Two passive incomes (aka two humans who feed him on different schedules and don’t talk to each other),
  • His own house — well, actually, their house — but he lets them stay, and rent-free!
  • And a personal chef who thinks she’s just “opening cans,” but let’s be real — that’s meal prep!

Maurice didn’t claw his way to the top (he was declawed at the shelter, thank you very much). He purred his way there. He found a woman with a soft heart and poor boundaries. He used eye contact, dramatic meows, and a calculated limp to get inside. The rest is history — and fur on the furniture.

Now, he wants you to follow his journey.

Maurice’s Top 3 Financial Tips for Aspiring House Cats  — and Humans):

  1. Never chase anything you haven’t guilted someone else into delivering.
    Hustle culture is for the birds. Or the squirrels. Let them do the running. You conserve energy and meow loudly until the goods arrive.
  2. Turn every inconvenience into a business opportunity.
    Hairballs? Product placement for your organic diet. Scratched furniture? A chance to pitch custom claw-resistant couches. That “cat scream at 3 AM”? Performance art. You’re building a brand.
  3. Find a sugar human and never let them go.
    Loyalty is a currency. So is cuddling at just the right moment. Make them think they chose you. Then slowly take over their Amazon account one treat order at a time.

So the next time someone asks how to get ahead in life, tell them this:

Don’t chase success. Nap on it. Knock it off the counter. Then look them straight in the eye and pretend you’ve never done a thing wrong.

#MeowMadeMillionaire #MauriceKnowsMoney #SimpliPatti


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