Skip to main content

Wrong person — entirely!

It was the 2012 election season, and my friend—let’s just call him Dave to protect the innocent—was trying his best to stay politically informed. He wasn’t exactly a political junkie let’s just say, but he wanted to be part of the at-work conversations. 

One day, Dave overheard a fellow coworker passionately talking about Ron Paul and his “radical libertarian ideas.  Only Dave didn’t hear Ron Paul. He heard RuPaul.

“Wait,” Dave said, blinking in confusion. “RuPaul is running for president?!”

The coworker laughed and totally went with it, saying “Yeah, he’s got a lot of people excited—libertarian, anti-establishment, small government.”

Dave frowned, trying to reconcile this description of RuPaul, queen of drag on TV, with a conservative political movement. But instead of asking for clarification, Dave decided to lean in and learn more on his own.

Apparently, that night, he Googled “RuPaul 2012 election” and, unsurprisingly, saw nothing about a drag queen running for president. But as he scrolled, he found articles about “Ron Paul” and figured this was just a weird typo. “Journalists these days,” he muttered.

The next week, Dave was locked and loaded with political opinions about RuPaul’s platform. “Man,” he told another friend, “I don’t know how RuPaul is pulling this off. A Republican drag queen?! I mean, I get that she’s all about standing out, but fiscal conservatism AND fabulous wigs? Bold.”

His friend stared at him, baffled. “Wait. What? RuPaul isn’t running for President?!”  

“Of course RuPaul’s running!” Dave argued. “I heard about it at work, and I’ve seen all these libertarian posts! I mean, I don’t agree with everything, but I’ve gotta respect the hustle. This is really and truly groundbreaking. I mean, just imagine the debates. RuPaul destroying Romney in full drag? Iconic!”

It wasn’t until a full month later that someone finally connected the dots for him. A friend pulled up a picture of Ron Paul and said, “This is the guy we’ve been talking about.”

Dave squinted at the screen for a long moment before blurting, “THAT guy?!” He stared in shock. “Wait, so Ron Paul isn’t RuPaul?!”

“No, Dave! RON. PAUL. Completely different person.”

And just like that, Dave’s dreams of drag queens slaying presidential debates and advocating for lower taxes crumbled.

To this day, he still can’t hear Ron Paul’s name without picturing RuPaul in a power suit, standing at a podium, declaring, “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna balance the budget?”

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I Tried to Teach My Cat About Cryptocurrency — Here's What Happened Spoiler: she walked across the keyboard and may now own part of a meme coin. Like any good millennial with more anxiety than savings, I recently decided to dip my toe further into the murky digital waters of cryptocurrency. But rather than suffer alone, I thought: why not share the knowledge with someone in my house who has even less financial literacy than I do? Enter: Mittens , my cat. She has no job, no bills, and spends most of her time licking her own butt. In other words, she’s the perfect crypto investor. Lesson 1: What is Cryptocurrency? I began by sitting Mittens down and explaining the basics: "Crypto is decentralized digital money that uses blockchain technology to secure transactions." She responded by biting a power cord. Which, honestly, is probably what most people should do when they hear about blockchain for the first time. Lesson 2: The Blockchain I showed her a diagram ...
Post a Comment
Read more

How One Feral Feline Turned His Life Around — And Why He Now Offers Financial Advice

Four years ago, he was living under a bush behind a Waffle House, dodging raccoons and licking discarded hot dog wrappers for sustenance. Today? He lounges on a patio chair like a retired tech billionaire, staring into the distance like he’s about to drop a TED Talk titled “How I Outsmarted the System — and My Humans”. Meet Maurice. Former alley cat. Current real estate tycoon of cardboard boxes, investor in emotional manipulation, and lifestyle influencer to other neighborhood pets who still simply eat kibble like peasants. He now enjoys: Two passive incomes (aka two humans who feed him on different schedules and don’t talk to each other), His own house — well, actually, their house — but he lets them stay, and rent-free! And a personal chef who thinks she’s just “opening cans,” but let’s be real — that’s meal prep! Maurice didn’t claw his way to the top (he was declawed at the shelter, thank you very much). He purred his way there. He found a woman with a soft heart and poor b...
Post a Comment
Read more

Minimalism sounded great until my cats claimed the donation box as a second home

So, I live in a super-small space with three cats, one mismatched coffee table set, and a growing suspicion that I am no longer in charge here.  Like any adult whose Pinterest boards are probably better organized than my actual life, I decided to "declutter." I imagined a sleek, tranquil space with clean lines, neutral tones, and no shame. I now sit atop a pile of half-sorted Goodwill bags, sipping coffee from a novelty mug that says “I Paused My Show for This.” Let’s discuss: Step 1: Mentally Prepare to Let Go of the Clutter — and Your Dignity Decluttering, in theory, is supposed to bring peace. In practice? It's a passive-aggressive negotiation with your past self. “Do I need six half-burned candles?” “What if I suddenly become the kind of person who hosts dinner parties and needs twelve fine water glasses?” “This broken garlic press has been with me since college. That means something, right?” At one point, I asked my cat BoBean if she thought I should ...
Post a Comment
Read more