Skip to main content

Wrong person — entirely!

It was the 2012 election season, and my friend—let’s just call him Dave to protect the innocent—was trying his best to stay politically informed. He wasn’t exactly a political junkie let’s just say, but he wanted to be part of the at-work conversations. 

One day, Dave overheard a fellow coworker passionately talking about Ron Paul and his “radical libertarian ideas.  Only Dave didn’t hear Ron Paul. He heard RuPaul.

“Wait,” Dave said, blinking in confusion. “RuPaul is running for president?!”

The coworker laughed and totally went with it, saying “Yeah, he’s got a lot of people excited—libertarian, anti-establishment, small government.”

Dave frowned, trying to reconcile this description of RuPaul, queen of drag on TV, with a conservative political movement. But instead of asking for clarification, Dave decided to lean in and learn more on his own.

Apparently, that night, he Googled “RuPaul 2012 election” and, unsurprisingly, saw nothing about a drag queen running for president. But as he scrolled, he found articles about “Ron Paul” and figured this was just a weird typo. “Journalists these days,” he muttered.

The next week, Dave was locked and loaded with political opinions about RuPaul’s platform. “Man,” he told another friend, “I don’t know how RuPaul is pulling this off. A Republican drag queen?! I mean, I get that she’s all about standing out, but fiscal conservatism AND fabulous wigs? Bold.”

His friend stared at him, baffled. “Wait. What? RuPaul isn’t running for President?!”  

“Of course RuPaul’s running!” Dave argued. “I heard about it at work, and I’ve seen all these libertarian posts! I mean, I don’t agree with everything, but I’ve gotta respect the hustle. This is really and truly groundbreaking. I mean, just imagine the debates. RuPaul destroying Romney in full drag? Iconic!”

It wasn’t until a full month later that someone finally connected the dots for him. A friend pulled up a picture of Ron Paul and said, “This is the guy we’ve been talking about.”

Dave squinted at the screen for a long moment before blurting, “THAT guy?!” He stared in shock. “Wait, so Ron Paul isn’t RuPaul?!”

“No, Dave! RON. PAUL. Completely different person.”

And just like that, Dave’s dreams of drag queens slaying presidential debates and advocating for lower taxes crumbled.

To this day, he still can’t hear Ron Paul’s name without picturing RuPaul in a power suit, standing at a podium, declaring, “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna balance the budget?”

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Conversations with my dog: An exclusive Interview with the fluffy therapist

My dog may be dramatic, slightly unhinged, and have the judgmental stare of a Victorian ghost, but he’s also my best friend. And sure, he can’t actually talk—but if he could, I’m pretty sure this is exactly how it would go:  (BTW,  I gave him a treat as a bribe just in case.) Me: Thank you for sitting down with me today. I know your schedule is jam-packed with barking at nothing and dramatic sighing. My Dog: [Licks own butt.] You’re welcome. I had to cancel a very important nap for this, so let’s make it quick. Me: Let’s get right to it. Why do you bark at the mailman? Every. Single. Day. My Dog: Because he dares to show up uninvited, and then—get this—he leaves. Suspicious behavior. I’m protecting the nation. You’re welcome. Me: Okay, but he’s literally here every day. You know him. My Dog: Exactly. It’s always the ones you think you know. Me: Fair. Moving on. Why do you insist on sitting directly on me even though you’re 60 pounds of pure dog? My Dog: You are my chosen thro...

I Accidentally Summoned the Saucepocalypse

So, listen. I’m not saying I’m bad at homesteading, but if the zombie apocalypse hits and someone hands me a tomato and says, “Preserve this for winter,” I’m handing it back and asking for a pre-sealed can of SpaghettiOs.   Late last summer in a tragic display of optimism, Pinterest confidence, and a YouTube binge, I decided to can tomatoes for the first time. You know, like our great-grandmothers used to do. With love. And patience. And probably a lot less swearing too. The dream was warm shelves of mason jars glowing ruby red with fresh tomatoey goodness, waiting to become stews, soups, and sauces.  The reality was that my small kitchen looked like someone had been murdered by marinara. Various friends contributed 20 pounds of tomatoes to the cause.  I wanted " a lot" because I assumed they’d shrink like laundry in a dryer. (Spoiler: they don’t. They multiply. Kind like gremlins. Angry, juicy gremlins.) Anywho... Blanching tomatoes means dropping them into b...

Why the Moon is Fake, and What NASA Doesn’t Want You to Know

Okay so, full disclosure, I didn’t go to “journalism school” or whatever. But like, I’ve watched a TON of documentaries on YouTube and I once interviewed my neighbor’s cousin who works at an airport, so I feel like I know what I’m doing. So, let’s get into it! The other night I was outside looking up at the sky, because that’s what I do when I can’t sleep (or when I eat too many sour gummy worms), and I saw the moon. But something seemed… off. It looked too perfect. Too… round. Like a lamp or maybe a balloon. And that’s when I realized: the moon might not be real, you know? I did some deep research (i.e. Googled “Is the moon fake?”) and you would be SHOCKED at what I found. Did you know that NASA stands for Not A Single Answer? Because every time you ask them a question, they give you “science” instead of the real truth. Also, fun fact: I read somewhere that the moon emits light. But if the sun is supposed to be the light source, then how come the moon is shiny AT NIGHT? Checkmate,...